"Make of yourself a light,"

New Sermon

Newest sermon posted to the right. Let me know what you think!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah

It's almost November?

Seriously?

School just started back.

I'm still not over summer, yet.

Part of this is the weather - evergreen Florida, where I'm still wearing my "spring" skirts and sandals. But part of it is how rapidly forward time is moving these days...I wonder if NASA could check that out.

I'm planning an All Saints' Day worship service for tomorrow night, which isn't completely finished yet. All of a sudden, my fall calendar is almost done and it's time to plan winter. And, it's time to seriously move on things I planned back in the summer for fall!

And two of my new fish died from ich, so I bought the other two medicine that turns the water green. Ick.

New Sermon

I posted my newest sermon to the right. Let me know what you think!

Preaching Help

I'm preaching next week - a series on the Beatitudes. I'm "blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy."

Who are the merciful?

What does "receiving mercy" look like?

What other stories from scripture speak of mercy to you?

Cooking

Kevin is out of town at a meet (he coaches cross country), so I decided to experiment in the kitchen - always risky, for those who know me.

I am a HUGE fan of "Semi-Homemade" on the Food Network, if only because it takes the scary factor out of cooking for me - if I can use things that already exist, how badly can I screw up a dish? I know that "real" cooking works like this, too, but for some reason Sandra Lee's calm voice and non-threatening kitchen make sense to me, and so I'm hooked.

Tonight, I made flounder filets with a roasted red pepper cream sauce and asparagus risotto - delicious.

AND, I baked bread! Cheesy beer bread - double delicious. My previous bread experiences have been disastrous, so this loaf is a beautiful testimony to hope and second chances.

Birthday Flood

So it's raining here, beyond cats and dogs, more like jaguars and wolves. Our new church building is leaking/flooding, along with the rest of the structures at the beaches, and it's only supposed to get worse.

I like the feel of the rain, and the sound and smell - it makes for a beginning of autumn, which we usually just bypass down here. But the dampness is getting to me and my papers, and we're all beginning to curl and frizz around the edges.

And it's my birthday! 28 years old-- 29, if you ask my husband. But the gorgeous red roses on my desk have more than made up for that little mistake.:)

Sick

I've been sick. According to various helpful friends and relatives, I have scurvy, chicken pox, strep throat, or the common cold. Regardless of diagnosis, I've been running a fever, my throat is on fire and the roof of my mouth is covered in little blisters, and I'm already through an entire bottle of Nyquil. I don't think I can take another day in bed, which is good because I don't feel feverish today. And I'm seriously over reality television.

Corny

Last night I realized that we had lovely ears of corn in our refrigerator that would not be lovely much longer, so Kevin and I had a Corn-for-Dinner Party, which is the sort of party where you eat corn for dinner.

Now, we've been married over a year, and have been together for over 3 years. Several crunchy golden minutes into our Corn Party:

"Wait. What are you doing?"

"What?"

"To the corn. Why are you eating it that way?"

"This is how I eat corn."

"Nobody eats corn like that."

"I do."

"Well, you're wrong."

Exhibit A: my lovely ear of corn, typewriter-style

Exhibit B: Kevin's lovely ear of corn, pencil-sharpener-style

We are certain that this means something very significant for our relationship and future children. This is on the same scale as which way you load the toilet paper roll (so it dangles away from the wall) and how you say pecan ("puh-CAHN").

They do not cover this stuff in pre-marital counseling.

Bad Start

Today was supposed to be my first day leading morning prayer, and I was late. School traffic notwithstanding, I was simply late. AND there were actually people who came to pray, AND the senior pastor had to lead it. Sigh. This doesn't bode well for the rest of the day.

Holy Cow

It's been a long time. I know I've not the greatest consistency with things like this, but this has been ridiculous.

Here are some contributing factors to Why I've Been Bad at Blogging:

4 week-long summer trips with youth, a week of VBS, and a week's vacation with my family

realizing a tad too late that all my relational sensibilities disappear under stress, and that this past/first year I worked alone much of the time and isolated some of my volunteers, rather than relying on them (luckily they are wonderful people who will not hold this against me)

an amazing Youth Mission Sunday where most mission trip participants led all 3 worship services, preaching included, and everyone wrote their own liturgy and prayers

a semi-regular struggle with depression where the shadow has not completely covered me, but it's harder to function regularly outside of work (which means the apartment is filthy and cluttered)

several difficult families fighting against every good thing we've done in the youth ministry this past year - I'm still learning not to take it personally

leaving my planning for this next year until the end of the summer = frantic late nights at the office

my two cats are so fat

Well, that last one really is more of general statement than a contributing factor, but still. I'm hoping to keep this practice up, and be a more visible presence on this blog of mine. It will involve coming out of my head and onto the screen, which is difficult for me, but possible and helpful.

So, thanks for sticking around to see what will happen.

God Sightings

Today is sort of the "animal edition"...

The lizard who comes to sit on my office windowsill and flash his pretty red throat at me.

My wonderful husband drove all the way to Chick-fil-A and brought lunch to me at work today.

In youth group last night, listening to teenagers make seemingly general statements, but knowing what is going on in their personal lives and watching them process and grow from it.

Seeing an otter run up on the banks of a pond by my favorite restaurant after worship on Sunday.

Driving across the marsh today and seeing a fish jump.

New Sermon

Yesterday's sermon is posted to the right. It was a tough one for me, and a different sort of sermon than I usually preach. Let me know what you think.

Day Off

Since pastors work Sundays, most of us receive Saturday and an additional weekday as days off. For the past year, my weekday off has been Thursday. I didn't have a choice in this; the other three pastors took Friday off, and someone has to be in the office on Fridays. It's been hard. I've never been able to go out of town without taking vacation and planning significantly ahead (not always my strong suit). I am often in the middle of projects to be finished on Friday, so while I'm physically out of the office, I'm still mentally working. Working only three days with the other pastors means less communication, and as I share an assistant with someone else, often she would have plenty to do from him on Friday when I came to her with work.

The good news is that last week, the personnel ministry team asked Session to create a Pastor Sabbath on Fridays, when all of us will be out of the office (someone is on call monthly for after-hours emergencies, and that person will be the contact for the day should an emergency arise). It's a compromise for the congregation and the other pastors, and I am SO THANKFUL for this gift. Beginning in August, I can take trips to see friends and stay out/up late with my husband two nights in a row. I feel like I'll be able to relax more deeply and really disconnect from work.

Thanks, church!

Golf

Pretty decent day on the disc golf course. Shot a 72 on 16 holes, which is a little high for me, but considering the heat and that my back is a little off, I'm pleased.

Several of us from our youth group play together a lot on the two Jacksonville courses. However, on the mission trip last week we got to play this sweet course in GA, where we lost several discs, met Frisbee Mark, and saw a copperhead. Another good day.

Sermon Prep

So, I’m preaching Sunday, and as always, gather sermon ideas through conversation with other folks.

Here’s my text:

Luke 9: 51-62

⁵¹ When the days drew near for Jesus to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. ⁵²And he sent messengers ahead of him. On their way they entered a village of the Samaritans to make ready for him; ⁵³but they did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. ⁵⁴When his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” ⁵⁵But he turned and rebuked them. ⁵⁶Then they went on to another village. ⁵⁷As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” ⁵⁸And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” ⁵⁹To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” ⁶⁰But Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” ⁶¹Another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” ⁶²Jesus said to him, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

What do you see/hear? What stands out? What questions are raised for you? I’m thinking about discipleship – the call to follow and the cost of following. Any thoughts?

So, I’m preaching Sunday, and as always, gather sermon ideas through conversation with other folks.

Here’s my text:

Luke 9: 51-62

⁵¹ When the days drew near for Jesus to be taken up, he set his face to go to Jerusalem. ⁵²And he sent messengers ahead of him. On their way they entered a village of the Samaritans to make ready for him; ⁵³but they did not receive him, because his face was set toward Jerusalem. ⁵⁴When his disciples James and John saw it, they said, “Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” ⁵⁵But he turned and rebuked them. ⁵⁶Then they went on to another village. ⁵⁷As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” ⁵⁸And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” ⁵⁹To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” ⁶⁰But Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” ⁶¹Another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” ⁶²Jesus said to him, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

What do you see/hear? What stands out? What questions are raised for you? I’m thinking about discipleship – the call to follow and the cost of following. Any thoughts?

Back Home

I'm back from the first mission trip of the summer and I'm both energized and tired at the same time. Energized by the energy (hmm) in the youth group right now - how everyone wants to be together and grow together. Tired from working hard to paint the inside of one house and the outside of another, sleeping on the floor (air mattress, schmair mattress), and simply being "on" for a week straight. Also, an emotional upheaval on one of the last days surrounding some behavior and relationships within our group has left me drained.

SO, to sum up, I feel as if I were three weeks behind in work at the office, and that I'm doing everything sort of last-minute right now. Which I hate, by the way.

I'm preaching, disc golfing, having lunch, planning a trip to De Leon Springs next week, as well as trying to get our Jamaica plans ironed out.

Crazily, I love it, most of the time.

AND, I got my dope husband the dopest of birthday presents, and am teasing him mercilessly about it. :)

Life is good.

God Sightings

Having dinner with new friends and seeing their beautiful purple hydrangea (our wedding flower) as we ate in the backyard.

My pilates partner, who is a beautiful strong woman, confessing that when she is old, all she wants to do is pray for other people.

The way our cats play with each other, running fast as they can through the house, then stopping in a freeze and staring, before one reaches out a paw and bats the other.

God Sightings

Wearing shorts and flip flops to work.

Honestly discussing some fears and concerns with my colleagues and being received with open arms.

Three friends unexpectedly calling and leaving voice mails for me throughout the day.

God Sightings

Making time to retreat with the three other pastors and simply be together.

Teenagers watching Crash for the first time and being genuinely moved and thoughtful.

My XC coach husband diagnosing the source of my leg cramp and feeling my body fully relax for the first time in days.

God Sightings

Teenaged helpers at VBS who so obviously love and enjoy being with children.

Kevin bought macaroni and cheese and chocolate milk at the store - my favorite comfort foods.

Working in a beach town where people wear swimsuits all the time and bike or skateboard everywhere.

God Sightings

As I mention below, I'm borrowing this idea as a way to help me practice posting more regularly. And, as my subtitle says, I'm seeking God, so "God Sightings" seems an apt title for these posts!

The smiling faces of our VBS children as they watch the Bible Story Skits.

The way the teenagers I play disc golf with are so supportive of each other: "Good shot!" and "Nice putt!"

Remembering a series of events from my childhood in vivid detail and being amazed at what I'd forgotten until now.

New(ish) sermon

I've posted my most recent sermon to the right. A few of you may notice that it's the same title and text as an Ash Wednesday sermon I preached last year...it's actually almost the same sermon. I was asked to preach last weekend sort of last-minute (last minute being relative for a preacher who stresses about sermon-writing for months in advance, leading up to the agonizing creative birthing process that takes days). Hence, the re-working. BUT, the text was the lectionary for last week, and I've felt for awhile that I wanted to do more with the Ash Wednesday sermon. I'm not sure how I feel about revising sermons...I'm generally against it, what with leaving room for the Spirit and being authentic to your context, but I think this one worked and was appropriate for our church at this time. Someone (who knew I revised an old piece) told me it felt to him like two sermons, but when I was preaching, it didn't feel that way to me.  One of the things I miss most about seminary is the feedback sessions after every sermon in class...let me know what you think about my sermon re-working, and if you have opinions on re-working sermons in general, will you?

Long Time...

It's been awhile, I know. I've been a little busy. But better now. Summer's almost here, which means lots of fun trips with teenagers. My husband is starting a new job soon, which means a happier husband. I've started working out. I think Satan may need a sweater, because hell just froze over.

So, a blog I read is all about glimpses of grace in the world, daily God-sightings. I think I just may blatantly borrow the idea (which was borrowed, to begin with), and begin recording my own "glimpses of grace." Except I need an original name. I'll work on that and get back to you.

Out of Poverty

My friend Carl shared this article from the New York Times, and I love it. What a way to empower women, particularly, and to help people find their own way out of poverty (with a little help from those of us who have it to give). Check out kiva.org for more information.

You, Too, Can be a Banker to the Poor

NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF
The New York Times
March 27, 2007

For those readers who ask me what they can do to help fight poverty, one option is to sit down at your computer and become a microfinancier.

That’s what I did recently. From my laptop in New York, I lent $25 each to the owner of a TV repair shop in Afghanistan, a baker in Afghanistan, and a single mother running a clothing shop in the Dominican Republic.

I did this through www.kiva.org, a Web site that provides information about entrepreneurs in poor countries — their photos, loan proposals and credit history — and allows people to make direct loans to them.

So on my arrival here in Afghanistan, I visited my new business partners to see how they were doing.

On a muddy street in Kabul, Abdul Satar, a bushy-bearded man of 64, was sitting in the window of his bakery selling loaves for 12 cents each. He was astonished when I introduced myself as his banker, but he allowed me to analyze his business plan by sampling his bread: It was delicious.

Mr. Abdul Satar had borrowed a total of $425 from a variety of lenders on Kiva.org, who besides me included Nathan in San Francisco, David in Rochester, N.Y., Sarah in Waltham, Mass., Nate in Fort Collins, Colo.; Cindy in Houston, and “Emily’s family” in Santa Barbara, Calif.

With the loan, Mr. Abdul Satar opened a second bakery nearby, with four employees, and he now benefits from economies of scale when he buys flour and firewood for his oven. “If you come back in 10 years, maybe I will have six more bakeries,” he said.

Mr. Abdul Satar said he didn’t know what the Internet was, and he had certainly never been online. But Kiva works with a local lender affiliated with Mercy Corps, and that group finds borrowers and vets them.

The local group, Ariana Financial Services, has only Afghan employees and is run by Storai Sadat, a dynamic young woman who was in her second year of medical school when the Taliban came to power and ended education for women. She ended up working for Mercy Corps and becoming a first-rate financier; some day she may take over Citigroup.

“Being a finance person is better than being a doctor,” Ms. Sadat said. “You can cure the whole family, not just one person. And it’s good medicine — you can see them get better day by day.”

Small loans to entrepreneurs are now widely recognized as an important tool against poverty. Muhammad Yunus won the Nobel Peace Prize last year for his pioneering work with microfinance in Bangladesh.

In poor countries, commercial money lenders routinely charge interest rates of several hundred percent per year. Thus people tend to borrow for health emergencies rather than to finance a new business. And partly because poor people tend to have no access to banks, they also often can’t save money securely.

Microfinance institutions typically focusing on lending to women, to give them more status and more opportunities. Ms. Sadat’s group does lend mostly to women, but it’s been difficult to connect some female borrowers with donors on Kiva — because many Afghans would be horrified at the thought of taking a woman’s photograph, let alone posting on the Internet.

My other partner in Kabul is Abdul Saboor, who runs a small TV repair business. He used the loan to open a second shop, employing two people, and to increase his inventory of spare parts. “I used to have to go to the market every day to buy parts,” he said, adding that it was a two-and-a-half-hour round trip. “Now I go once every two weeks.”

Web sites like Kiva are useful partly because they connect the donor directly to the beneficiary, without going through a bureaucratic and expensive layer of aid groups in between. Another terrific Web site in this area is www.globalgiving.com, which connects donors to would-be recipients. The main difference is that GlobalGiving is for donations, while Kiva is for loans.

A young American couple, Matthew and Jessica Flannery, founded Kiva after they worked in Africa and realized that a major impediment to economic development was the unavailability of credit at any reasonable cost.

“I believe the real solutions to poverty alleviation hinge on bringing capitalism and business to areas where there wasn’t business or where it wasn’t efficient,” Mr. Flannery said. He added: “This doesn’t have to be charity. You can partner with someone who’s halfway around the world.”

Sermon

New sermon, posted to the right. This one is part of a Lenten series my church is doing; the pastors have all been sharing our faith journeys as we journey together through Lent. Let me know what you think.

What kind of soul are you?

I got this from Teri's blog. It's mostly accurate...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul What Kind of Soul Are You?

New Sermon

I posted my latest sermon in the list to the right. Let me know what you think.

Preaching

I am preaching next Sunday, which is Transfiguration Sunday. As always, I am interested in what you have to say!

Luke 9: 28-36
Now about eight days after these sayings Jesus took with him Peter and John and James, and went up on the mountain to pray. And while he was praying, the appearance of his face changed, and his clothes became dazzling white. Suddenly they saw two men, Moses and Elijah, talking to him. They appeared in glory and were speaking of his departure, which he was about to accomplish at Jerusalem. Now Peter and his companions were weighed down with sleep; but since they had stayed awake, they saw his glory and the two men who stood with him. Just as they were leaving him, Peter said to Jesus, “Master, it is good for us to be here; let us make three dwellings, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah” —not knowing what he said. While he was saying this, a cloud came and overshadowed them; and they were terrified as they entered the cloud. Then from the cloud came a voice that said, “This is my Son, my Chosen; listen to him!” When the voice had spoken, Jesus was found alone. And they kept silent and in those days told no one any of the things they had seen.

I'm also interested in the Hebrew scriptures lection for that day, and how it may or may not relate. Again, what do you think?

Exodus 34:29-35
Moses came down from Mount Sinai. As he came down from the mountain with the two tablets of the covenant in his hand, Moses did not know that the skin of his face shone because he had been talking with God. When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, the skin of his face was shining, and they were afraid to come near him. But Moses called to them; and Aaron and all the leaders of the congregation returned to him, and Moses spoke with them. Afterward all the Israelites came near, and he gave them in commandment all that the Lord had spoken with him on Mount Sinai. When Moses had finished speaking with them, he put a veil on his face; but whenever Moses went in before the Lord to speak with him, he would take the veil off, until he came out; and when he came out, and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, the Israelites would see the face of Moses, that the skin of his face was shining; and Moses would put the veil on his face again, until he went in to speak with him.

Behemoth is a dinosaur, a dinosaur is he!

I've just finished watching Friends of God: A Road Trip with Alexandra Pelosi (yep, that last name should sound familiar), a documentary on American evangelicals. It was fascinating and funny, inspirational and sad. Highlights include the Christian Wrestling Federation, and the children's song about Creationism: "Let's look at the Bible / let's look in the book of Job / turn to chapter 40 / in verse 15 we're told / of a mighty creature / that Job must have known / in the jungle of the reeds and ferns /Behemoth made his home! / Behemoth is a dinosaur / a dinosaur is he / 'he eateth grass as an ox'  / 'his tail's like a cedar tree' / 'his bones are strong as bars of iron' / 'he's chief, in the ways of God' / Could Behemoth be a dinosaur? / A mighty sauropod!" Awesome. Catch the live version here.

All told, it's a fine film, admittedly biased but tastefully done. One interview with a self-proclaimed "conservative Christian comedian" made a good point: the word liberal denotes tolerance, an openness to opposing viewpoints, and yet liberal Hollywood has yet to give anyone like him a sitcom. Is it simply that the people in charge disagree with his beliefs, or is it that the American public isn't that conservative and Christian after all? Either way, it was a good reminder to me that my struggle is with the pendulum swing: I can't move so far away from the ways these people have gotten it wrong that I begin to believe God only agrees with me, thus becoming part of the problem rather than part of the solution.

Mainline Emergent/s: Conversations in Theology, Practice, and Hope

This past week, I spent several days at the Mainline Emergent/s conference at Columbia Theological Seminary in Decatur, GA. I have been excited about and into the emergent conversation for about 4 years now, despite my calling to a mainline tradition and church, and was very much looking forward to this meeting. However, I was a little disappointed. I'd expected and hoped for emergent leaders/pastors  like Brian McLaren and Tony Jones (where are the women?) to speak and for mainline pastors to respond in dialogue. What happened, though, was that the mainline pastors who spoke, while they're in mainline traditions, are apparently NOT in traditional mainline churches - they are involved in emergent worship/leadership/new church development. I appreciate the work these folks are doing and think it's awesome that they are still within the bounds of their denominations, but I was hoping for conversation between emergent leaders and pastors who are actively serving in/attending traditional mainline churches. I think there is SO MUCH we can learn from and about each other, and that there's more to it than simply receiving funding/support and borrowing worship "tricks."

The great thing is that the interest in this conference was overwhelming, and that folks on all sides of the tinker-toy spectrum are hungry for more conversation. Everyone involved did a fantastic job, and I think we're just getting started.

(RED)EEMED

As noted below, I participated in Project (RED)EMPTION, begun in October. The end date for the campaign to raise awareness and funds for the Stephen Lewis Foundation was on December 31, and over $7,000 was donated. Read the thoughts of the campaign's creators here and here.

Goodsearch.com

GoodSearch.com is a new search engine that donates half its revenue, about a penny per search, to the charities its users designate. You use it just as you would any search engine, and it’s powered by Yahoo!

Go to www.goodsearch.com and enter the charity you want to support.

I've made goodsearch my permanent search engine, and am supporting the FINE BY ME T-Shirt Project.  Just 500 of us searching four times a day will raise about $7300 in a year without anyone spending a dime.

Sermon(s)

I've posted last week's sermon in the list on the right, as well as the sermon my husband preached for my installation a couple of weeks ago. Please read, and share your thoughts on them both!

Preaching prep

I am preaching this Sunday, and as always, send out the text to begin conversation and gather opinions. What do you think? What stands out? What questions do you have? There is no wrong answer! Thanks.

John 18: 33-37

Then Pilate entered the headquarters again, summoned Jesus, and asked him, “Are you the King of the Jews?”

Jesus answered, “Do you ask this on your own, or did others tell you about me?”

Pilate replied, “I am not a Jew, am I? Your own nation and the chief priests have handed you over to me. What have you done?”

Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not from this world. If my kingdom were from this world, my followers would be fighting to keep me from being handed over to the Jews. But as it is, my kingdom is not from here.”

Pilate asked him, “So you are a king?”

Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. For this I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth. Everyone who belongs to the truth listens to my voice.”

Shorter Days

I suppose that now is as good a time as any to write this post, the one where I confess that I am entirely overwhelmed, the one where I blurt "I didn't think it would be like this!" I have virtually abandoned my spirtual practices of reading and praying; I wonder if what I am doing with the teenagers at my church is worthwhile in any capacity; I have gained weight and do not fit into my winter clothes, even though the weather is growing colder (yes, it does get chilly in Florida); I spend all my free time nestled into the corner of my couch under a quilt, watching whatever I can find on television. And this isn't new...this has been going on for a couple of months now. My husband is working just as hard and feels just as futile in his new school, and so we've been merely coexisting in this place, and I feel half-alive. I used to be filled with life, playing games and reading interesting books and articles, ready for conversation and activity, and now I feel drained and subdued.

All of us must go through winter at times, I know. But this winter is causing me to wonder again and again if I made the right choice, if I'm in the right place. I came into the office yesterday wanting to shout from the rooftops about the wind of change blowing through Washington DC, but as we are a self-proclaimed "centrist" church, I did not for fear of isolating staff and church members. I want to stretch my imagination and reach out to people's creativity so that together we may awaken to a new understanding of "church" and "Christian" and "mission." Instead I go to meetings and have to make sure we have two adults in every group of teenagers (a worthy goal for the sake of putting youth into contact with as many adults as possible, but a culture that must be built up over years, rather than a safety constraint that may result in the cancellation of several trips and events because not enough adults will go).

It's only been 5 months and already I find myself forgetting why I do all of this.

I never thought this would happen to me.

In seminary I was so sure of my call, so confident and faith-filled that to be here in this place is devastating.

And the days are becoming shorter, and it's dark when I leave the church.

(RED)EMPTION

Mike Todd at waving or drowning? has decided that something is not quite right with the (PRODUCT)RED campaign recently launched by Bono and Oprah, which promises a percentage of profits from various red products (that shirt from the GAP, ipods cell phones, shoes) will go to purchase HIV/AIDS medications for Africa. A great plan, but as Mike points out, it really feeds our consumerism, since apparently it is too much trouble to give out of love...we have to receive something in return. So, Mike says, "You can lay out $200, get a new iPod, and contribute $10 to a good cause. Or, you can just contribute the $10."  He believes we can get 1,000 people to donate $10 each. So, go to his site, click on "make a donation," and make it happen.

Revved up

Unfortunately I came down with the stomach flu the week following my ordination, so I never got the chance to blog about it!

As of October 22, it's official - I'm ordained - The Reverend Katie Day. 

A new title to add to my new name, new job, new home, new life.

It was a beautiful service - my dad was on my commission, and all three ministers I now work with were in it, too, and the pastor I grew up with, and the chair of the committee on preparation for ministry (and the youth council when I was on it back in high school!), and the pastor I  worked with and learned so much from during seminary preached - it was so neat to have all of these people who love me and affirm me participate in the culmination of all this work and prayer.

But it's not really a culmination...it's a commencement. After the ordination bit, I celebrated communion for the first time, which I knew would be very emotional. I worked all weekend on my prayers (difficult to do at the presbytery middle school retreat), and had chosen words that reflect my hope for the world, and the Lord's supper is a tiny piece of that hope brought to life before our eyes. I used the beginning of Revelation 21, and as soon as I said the words "and he will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and mourning and crying will be no more, and death will be no more," I was overcome, and finished the rest of the prayer through tears (along with most of the congregation, I think). Breaking the bread and holding the cup out, saying those words that have been said for so many years by so many different people...it was truly amazing. It's the beginning of what is to come in my life and ministry.

And, there was a chocolate fountain at the reception. What could be better?

Halloween

So Kevin and I had our first Halloween together, which meant our first pumpkin-carving experience. Aside from my being accused of alledgedly "hogging the pumpkin," I think we worked well together. Kevin made a face, and I drew it on a piece of paper. Then, I transferred it to the pumpkin and together we carved, using our fancy fancy knives we received as a wedding gift. I think the end result is pretty good - silly and spooky all at the same time. And considering our shady apartment complex didn't fix our patio light in time for Halloween, the light from the jack-o-lantern was all we had to offer. Sadly, we didn't get a single trick or treater. I wonder what will happen to all those fun size three muskateers and peanut butter cups....

Tempting fate...

Friday Five: Creature Comforts

1. Comfort beverage - I'd have to say that I go to the juice family for comfort these days...particularly the slushy gross green goodness of Odwalla Superfood. I'm trying to cut back the caffeine, so perhaps unconsciously I reach for Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper, but for the most part it's juice.

2. Comfort chair - I don't really have a chair, per se, but an area of the couch: the right corner and arm (facing out) on my secondhand stripey long couch is the perfect place to perch with my feet up under me, and I have spent many a rainy (and sunny) day avoiding seminary people and homework, watching countless episodes of Sex and the City with my snuggly ex-roommate Rachel.

3. Comfort read - I go back to The Chronicles of Narnia, Anne of Green Gables, and the Shopaholic books. Knowing how they all turn out ok is so comforting.

4. Comfort television/DVD/music - Sex and the City, as previously mentioned. Also, Uptown Girls, Mean Girls, and Clueless and Emma. Music-wise, I most often find myself popping David Crowder Band's Illuminate into my car cd player when I feel stressed or down.

5. Comfort companion(s) - My husband, hands down. He is by far the best comforter I have ever known, better even than my mom, who's a close second. Kevin knows exactly what to say or do, and takes direction well, particularly if it comes from a crabby, irrational mess in a heap on the couch.  Which happens a lot in the first year of marriage/call.

Seasons

As far as I can remember, there are no seasons at the beach.  Sure, there's hurricane season and football season, but beyond that, it is hot in the summer and somewhat less hot in the winter.  The palm trees do not change color and lose their fronds, and the pine trees are never bare. My husband pointed out the distressing fact that it is October and we're still in shorts and tank tops.

I grew up here, loving the consistency of the landscape, sitting content in the fact that even my yard avoided change on any grand scale.

Now, years later, back in my hometown in a surprise twist, for a reconciling or a reckoning (who's to know?), I find the changelessness disturbing, inconsistent with the seasons of my soul. My soul is shifting into autumn. There is a dying, of friends and family, of old ways of living and being, of anticipation now actuality. Maybe living away for the three years of seminary put me in touch with an outside that mirrors my inside, with trees and flowers who match my annual descent into depression as we move farther away from the sun and farther away from our yearly resurrection.

The palm trees are still green. The sun is still bright. But there are still seasons. The earth and world and my soul are still changing, just as they always have, moving toward a season of darkness, of introspection, of quieter existence, renewing and restoring and readying to burst forth once again in the spring.

Mile markers

In the sidebar, I've posted most of the sermons I preached in seminary and during my internship, as well as the most recent one for my new church. I hope you'll read them and share your thoughts with me. As I posted them, I read back over a few and was reminded of where I was in my life as I was writing them. It's obvious in some, as I talked about specific events, but others held echoes of words not spoken, a fragrance of some other context known only to me. These words are mile markers on the journey so far. When first learning about preaching, I used to wonder what made "sermons" any different from other essays or speeches...I now understand a little bit more.

Friday Five: Groups

A week-end activity from RevGalBlogPals:

1. Tell us about any group(s) you currently belong to. (e.g. book club, knitting circle, walking buddies, etc.)

I am a member of the Company of New Pastors, a group for PC(USA) seminarians that lasts 5 years over the course of seminary and a first call. We covenant to read scripture and the confessions daily, pray daily, regularly read theological works, and meet together. Ideally, upon graduation from seminary, I would have been placed in a geographically-based group, but due to slow call processes, many folks have not yet taken their first call. I feel linked to the other group members through the daily disciplines (which I am by no means good at practicing), but still feel isolated in this first call and wish I had this group now to help me process and grow.

Also, I keep meaning to join a pilates class, but that hasn't happened yet.

2. Do you feel energized or drained by being in a group situation? If the answer is "it depends," on what does it depend?

It does depend, and what it depends upon depends, as well. If everyone in the group (including myself) is engaged and creative and thoughtful, then I'm energized. If not, then I'm drained.

3. Is there a role you naturally find yourself playing in group situations? That is, do you naturally fall into the leader role, or the one who always makes sure the new person feels welcome, or the quiet one who sits back and lets others shine, or the host?

I always used to be a leader unless someone else was more vocal than I am. More often than not these days I am sitting back and letting others shine, as I feel that is more in line with presbyterian polity. As a pastor, I sit on committees and ministry teams, but it's the elected elders of the church who should take the lead in generating  ideas and making decisions.

4. Handshakes vs. hugs: discuss.

Handshakes most of the time, although the Sunday morning handshake line bores me (plus I worry about crushing some of our older members delicate bones). Hugs are nice when there's trust between us.

5. Ice breakers: a playful way to build community in a lighthearted manner, or a complete and utter hell of forced fun and awkwardness?

Playful and lighthearted when I am leading them, and utter hell when I forced into them against my will. In either case, though,  I deplore "Human Bingo."

Bonus: If you answered "playful and lighthearted," share your favorite ice breaker.

I love to do this with my youth group: Sit or stand in a circle. The facilitator tosses a ball (wiffle or nerf, preferably) to someone else who is not standing directly to their right or left, saying the name of the recipient as they throw it to them. That person then does the same to someone else. It continues in this vein until everyone has had the ball once and it ends up with the original tosser. Then we repeat the pattern and time it, trying to beat our own record. If the ball drops, we start over. Once we've gotten good (a 15 member group can get down to around 10 seconds), we begin again, with another ball, another pattern, another name (middle or last, or nicknames). The rules are the same: no one gets the new ball more than once, and you can't toss it to the person on either side of you, AND now you can't toss to the person you tossed the other ball. Once we get good at THAT pattern, we combine them. Chaos ensues, but then we get it down and feel very accomplished. It's fun because you can do it with the same group of people over and over and get a different result every time.

Ouch.

Last night, while watching Arrested Development and chewing my vegetarian "chicken" patty, I bit my tongue. And apparently I'm descended from a line of vampires, because this was no little nip; I punctured my tongue. A little flap of skin came off the tip. It was gross and it hurt, and my husband brought me a bowl of warm salt water to dip it in. It is very sore today,  and I am afraid to eat anything or to move around too much for fear of wounding it further. In recuperation, I will be spending the rest of the afternoon on my couch with the Bluths and a cup of ice chips.

Porch

When Kevin and I knew we were moving, several factors influenced our selection process: price (obviously), location (again, obviously), the availability of a top-floor unit, and whether or not we could have a screened porch.

When my mom and I found our apartment, we were thrilled because all of our requirements were met: the price was right for a pastor and a teacher; since the teacher was as-of-then unemployed, I have a 7 minute drive to church; we have delightful vaulted ceilings and no one stamping around over our heads; and we have the cutest little screened porch, all for Esther's enjoyment.  Kevin took one look and agreed; we signed the lease.

Now, when the time came to move in, I was on a mission trip to Jamaica, but Kevin and my parents were ready for the challenge. One of the blessings of a call right out of seminary is that church will pay for the move on both ends, so really all that was left to do was supervise. Our apartment was ready with brand new carpet, a new coat of paint, and was spic and span.

Except for the porch.

Now, I'm not sure who lived here before we did, but it's a distinct possibility that they owned a hairy animal of some sort, and that animal may have died violently while occupying our porch.

My mother is good at this sort of thing, and arranged with the manager to have the porch cleaned. This was in July.

As of yesterday, the porch had not been cleaned.

Now, this isn't a case of people who have graduate degrees believing they are too dainty to clean. This is a case of we do not own a pressure washer and industrial strength bleach, and therefore our attempts to remove the funk were futile. Esther was miserable. She had this great porch she could watch from behind glass, but wasn't allowed to visit. (Whenever we let her out, rather than perch on the sill and watch the birds and the neighbors, she would run directly toward and lie down on top of the largest pile of hair/leavings).

Of course I called the management. I called them regularly. They are on my speed dial. But they did not come. Until yesterday, when they sent a tiny woman over with a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Clorox bathroom cleaner. I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream, "I am not being understood!" I wanted to ask the pretty blonde lady with long nails to please leave my grotesque porch, as she could not possibly be of any help.

The Clorox helped. Then, this morning, on my day off, I spent several hours scrubbing and scraping and pouring out bowls of water and mopping them up. I mixed enough non-toxic, eco-friendly cleaning products to achieve a toxic nostril-burning concoction that has, in fact, greatly improved our porch.

I am still mad about it.

Esther is thrilled.

So...

Here we are. I've thought about it and thought about it, and now in an over-caffeinated haze of insomnia I've gone and done something reckless: I've begun a blog. Which is funny, really, as I once ranted and raved over the stupidity of "blogging" (it's a noun! it's a verb!) and the vanity of bloggers everywhere ("really, do you really think people want to read your piddly little thoughts on the internet?), and then, while perusing the latest post on one of the five or six blogs I regularly read, I remembered.

It's not about who reads it.

It's about the writing.

It doesn't matter if I think I'm great or if I think I'm crap, or if anyone ever reads this. What matters is the writing. I am attempting to cease watching the world around me and begin to see it, to consider it, to put words to this particular experience. I hope.

The title at the top of the page comes from a poem by Mary Oliver, a writer my husband loves and whom I am learning to love. It is a difficult challenge, becoming light, especially since there is so much light already. It's easier to reflect than it is to shine. But there it is again, why I've begun to write in this place: I'm no longer content reading other people's words without contributing any. I'm hoping for a glimmer of my own to add to the conversation.

Of course, now I've read over all of that and it sounds stupid. This is harder than it looks.